All The Parts

Bears drawn with colored pencils and oil pastels 1993

There are so many parts of us that should be seen to and kept
From the top of our heads to the tips of our toes with each aching breathe
The broad side of us against the narrow core of us
The breadth of us to the very shallow of us

All another piece that comes together to make the whole
From the memories we keep now and lose as we grow old
To the muscle that powers our moves
To the tissue that DNA provides and proves

So I must choose a keeper for my many parts
Is it possible to find just one to update so many charts

So one I choose to care for my body
With you thirst will be seen to whether pure or bawdy

Another I'll entrust with my mind to keep it young and fresh
Each day should be full of knowledge clean with wash and dress

So that leaves my heart for you to insure that it always beat
Fill my life with love that can be felt from head to feet

So that leaves just my soul that I can't seem to fit to a tutor
Perhaps that one is just for me to look after and succor

If there was just one keeper how idea would that be
Just one person to see to all the ends that make up me
It's a dream I can't fulfill, one that has no true match
So I'll try to see to the whole with one by one patch

But the thought always lingers that if there is but only one of me
And with all my parts gathered close to cause me to be
There must exist the other end that looks out with such disheart
Knowing that there must be one who can see to all the parts

You Know Who You Are (1992-1998) #tbt

What I See (Formerly In the Distance) chalk pastels 1993

I think the first time I saw you was in the back of my mind
I think I created an image that I know I’d never find
You lived in my thoughts and constantly dominated my dreams
Held me completely enwrapped by the lights you beam

I think the first time I met you was in a space in my head
You know where everything is smoky and bathed in red
I think there I loved you without hesitation or thought
Somehow knowing that you were what I constantly sought

Then I believe I discovered myself in the world you created
It seems as soon as you came my mind was something you generated
Then I no longer possessed the control that always defined me
And yet at the same time I can’t ever remember feeling so free

I think I first found the meaning of life in your face
You know when I covered your hand with mine I knew my place
I think I saw the foundation of the universe in your eyes
The love and sacrifice of devotion that explains birth and why we die

I’m almost positive that I’ve never in life done anything so beautiful
No matter if you stay or if we part nothing can destroy a joining so wonderful
I think the minute your lips touched mine we silently trades souls
I know I’d wake up at night dead and cold needing you to be whole

Do you know what its like to love in your mind before you love in life
Do you know what it is to live as a woman when you’re already a wife
You know, you’ve always known
You know, yours before I was even grown
From the beginning you were what I wished for on the first star
All you have to do to look at me to see yourself, you know who you are

You Could Make Me Stay (1992-1998)

Legs (timed figure drawing) in charcoal 1994

With my heart in my throat
I turn and start to put on my coat
You grab the hand holding the coat from the top
And with those beautiful eyes quietly ask me to stop

How could I ever think of going away
When I know you could make me stay

Another chance at this life, this time
You ask for me to help you keep your mind
Me walking out of the door would drive you insane
And I felt that emotion that I can never name

The look in your eyes makes me tremble and sway
As I think oh yeah, you could make me stay

I can’t turn and leave with you needing me
Nothing could make me walk away from the love I see
Seeing my defeat you slowly take my hand
Thanking me with your eyes and leaving your brand
Finally smiling you look into my eyes and say
I always knew I could make you stay

Why Don't You Love Me (1992-1998)

The Door in charcoal drawn 1992

Just stop thinking about everything
Just feel the pleasure I can bring
Don’t hide yourself away from me
Stop fighting and meet your destiny

You want your life to fall together perfectly
I have a suggestion why don’t you love me

You want something that will last forever
Love me and I won’t stop loving you never
You need a world to escape to
Love me and I’ll hand it to you
You desire opened doors so you can see
Love me and I’ll give you every key
You think your world will be complete and everything you need
I’m afraid that will never happen till you love me

You want nothing to do with a life not in perfect harmony
Well here’s another clue why don’t you love me

Everything you want at your fingertips
Just let the right words pass from your lips
You can’t walk away from things meant to be
So why don’t you just love me

What is There Now? (1992-1998)

Enchantress ebony and colored pencil 1993

Picking up pieces and moving on
Separation from everything in my life wrong
I want to part with all the pain
Leave the hurt and be free and sane
What now is left for me but you
When all else was never true
They don’t know me, not like you
They’ll never understand the things I do
What is there when there is no one else
What when all I trust is you and myself
Where is the light at the end of the tunnel
I only met the pain the place where I fell
What is there now I ask you again
How do you separate from everywhere you’ve been
I’m blind to all that is beautiful now
They’ve taken my heart without a hesitation or bow
Now they strain to take my soul
The possession you protect for me and hold
What now, where is the peace
Where is my salvation, where the hurt will cease
I reach for you and you’re not there
Keeping me whole when I know I’ve had more than I can bear
Do you feel me call for you, somehow hear that I need you
Maybe I crave you because you need me
In some divine way neither of us can see
Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself
Or maybe its deeper perhaps something else
Do you need me, is that what there is
Do you fear that I’ll be seen with another and labeled his
I have asked what is there, what’s next
Where is the next stop for me that is best
Every question, a single answer shouted as a vow
Its you, that’s what is there now

The Last Time (1992-1998)

Clash colored pencil drawn 1993

The last time I felt a warm rain I thought of your touch

The light sweet feel of it’s caress telling me why I miss you so much

The last time I saw the sky steak with the first rays of the sun I remembered your smile

The natural beauty of it slightly indescribable someplace beyond grace and style

The last time I heard thunder rock the sky I heard your voice

The majesty of it always stopped my thoughts and taken away my sense of choice

The last time I watched the ripples of a lake I remembered that you weren’t rally mine

I can watch you move without anyway of changing your course and pretend that it’s just fine

The last time I saw a bird take flight I felt that fragile emotion that holds me to you

I understood that as solid and on the ground as it is, it could one day fly away too

The last time I watched a candle burn I realized that I never wanted this to end

But I couldn’t deny that we could be gone, easily whiffed out in the next strong wind

The last time you kissed me, I felt the sadness in your heart

I remember well because it was the first time your kiss had ever been tart

The last time we made love I saw the hesitance in your eyes

Something about how you looked at me made me want to set you free and cut all ties

The last time you laughed with me is such a distant memory it can’t be recalled

I know when it came to mind how unhappy you were my skin crawled

Amazing how it’s all so vivid now, after everything I can catch every sign

Funny how now it actually makes sense that you said goodbye when I saw you that last time

Take Me Home (1992-1998)

Whisper colored pencil 1998

Where my heart and soul reside
Where my emotions don’t have to run and hide
That peaceful place in your arms
That haven where I feel no harm
That place where I am just me
No one to put me down or berate me
No one to tell me what I can or can’t be
You know where I’m beautiful no matter what I do
You know because its true because of you
At night where I fear no evil
In the evening when no one makes me kneel
In the afternoon where I laugh and mean it
In the morning where there’s love every where I sit
At dawn when you become my light of day
Always when you make me fell special in every way
I want to stop pretending and feel again
I want to shout my pain and know its not a sin

Just home, take me there
Where my heart doesn’t rip and tear
Hold me there to forever stay
Be my joy be my sunny day
Take me home if there’s mercy in you
Let me breathe, live, and to myself be true
No pain, no sorrow, no endless despair
Just laughter, and love with people who care
Take me away from those people who hate
Those people who insist that I can always wait
Make me your life and I make you mine
Stroke my hair and hold me close and tell me everything will be fine

Never again to wake up cold and alone
Because I opened my heart and brought me home

Say Grace (1992-1998) #tbt

What I See chalk pastels drawn 1994

I heard you call to me while the night made it’s leave
I felt your approach as the sun and the sky did cleave

When were you going to say goodbye, were you ever?
How was I to learn of this without second sight I’m not nearly that clever
You’ve always brought to mind images of woven tapestries and regal stances
Filled me with scents of warm rain, nights of jasmine and erotic instances
Held me spellbound by days of soft whispers and lakeside dances
Taught me the way of love with secret meetings and forbidden chances
You bring to mind oceans of lavender, seas of marigolds
Filled me with tales of wisdom, visions of chivalry, legends untold
Held me in the cusp of velvet with satin and lace to fight the cold
Taught me the essence of being a woman when you dared me to be bold

I heard you call to me, and I’ve always known you’d leave
I felt your approach say your heart I will never deceive

When will it really be goodbye, can there ever be a time and place?
How could I ever believe goodbye is possible when with you I have found my grace

Rain and Pain (1992-1998)

Misery

Rain and pain its all the same
Let yourself know the name of this game
Rain and pain its all the same
Falling in vain leaving from where it came

Times of misery falling quickly
Hope and happiness like a drought that won’t pass
Never knowing which came first or last
Lifting your voice and begging for solace
Hoping God will pick you to bless
Stop the rain and the pain
I call your name, my hurt you drain
Out of me it pours like from the sky
Every drop coincides with every tear I cry

Rain and pain its all the same
There is no blame for another storm I claim
Rain and Pain its all the same
At times it will wane but never change

You can see my tears falling in the rain
Hear my heart breaking in the pain
Feel the storm moving outside
Feeling everything inside leaving as it died

Pray Through the Night (1992-1998)

Misery watercolor 1998

Lay me down to sleep on this night
Pray my soul to keep till the morning light
I need you by my side can’t let you go
Hold me in your arms till you know

Pray through the night that you’ll stay with me
To the Lord up high that you never leave
Pray through the night that I have your love
To the Lord up high that’s blessed from above

Heaven forbid you falling out of love with me
Lord keep your heart from setting me free
Let the bonds of love never sever
So we can hold each other and be in love forever

Pray through the night for the dreams we share
To the Lord up high for the love we bare
Pray through the night for our times apart
To the Lord up high for the gift of your heart

Calling your name, loud and in vain
Hoping you know from where the cry came
Seeing the faith and hope light in your eyes like a flame
Pushing away the all consuming sorrow and crippling pain

As I say a little prayer for the Lord up high
Let me see your face once more before I die
Please keep me on this earth long enough to know
That if I die you are sure to soon follow

I fall to my knees in a silent plea
Praying that you’ll always stay with me
Clinging to hope like dark does to light
As usual I kneel and pry through the night

Not A Sin (1992-1998)

Clash colored pencil drawn 1993

I’m sorry that I didn’t explain what last night meant
I simply wasn’t ready for the gift God sent
I thought that love had sirens and bells
Instead it’s like peace and only a kiss can tell
I thought I I’d know if it caught me in it’s hold
I figured I’d see it shine fierce like spun gold
But instead it crept up behind me frightened my heart
Made me believe that I was wrong this can’t be how it starts
Now months later I can’t explain the night at all
I just now that right when I pull away, I fall
When I hesitate my mind brings pain
When I doubt I feel no gain
So I torture myself and wonder at the fact
Could he really love this idiot this spoiled brat
This indecisive beast who plays the silliest games
This petty person that yelled over the ignorance of a name
I really don’t care how it started that night of before
I’m standing here in love and I’m terrified of opening the door
I give myself headaches, practically lose my mind
Did I really walk away from what I thought I’d never find
I comfort my heart with my imagination
Still wondering if God sent a man to see to my salvation
I feel unworthy, but I want it all so bad
I feel like a failure because the loss of love makes me sad
No one really cares about the state of anyone’s heart
All they care is if their words leave another dart
I’ll wake up tomorrow and start my fight again
And eventually I will understand that love is not a sin

My Serenity (1992-1998)

Self Portrait in colored pencil 1994

Heaven and hell wrapped into one
Peace held in check by the power of the sun
My life, my love, my form of exquisite ecstasy
If only you could understand what its like for me
To hold this gift within my soul never to leave
Held in myself so string and tightly it’s hard to believe
Everyday I take my joy and share its grace
From the voice in my throat to the smile on my face
Every time I move, every step I take
From every tilt of my head to every sound I make
Lives in color the proof of my joy
In full light that can never be called coy

What is my life, my peace and my constant company
It is the music in my soul that’s my serenity

Pulled from the sky in the shapes of stars and the face of the moon
With the awe inspiring regality of a delicate rose in bloom
The feeling of touching the sky and finding it soft as silk
The sensation of holding wind as it runs like milk
Take me life but give me my song
Without the music life would seem wrong
Take my heart, but leave me my voice
No heart is needed when life is no longer your choice

Bound together by something far stronger than fate
It seems that music is my soul mate

Behind my eyes exists a separate entity
There lives my soul with music as my serenity

My Excess (1992-1998)

Ruins painted 1996

I’d hold the key to your thoughts and fill them with me
Light another candle, offer salvation you can see
Lust after you from afar, wait and abide my time
But I’d never take your body without consideration for your mind.

I’d take your pain and let it rest beside mine in my heart
Destroy the cause and reason for it and gladly call it art
Let my soul calmly touch yours in the lightest kiss
But I’d never look you in the eye and pretend you don’t exist

I’d listen to your heart and tell mine to quiet
Blow my world apart and suffer in the silence
Give you a home by my side in my thoughts
But I’d never leave it open to be sold or bought

I’d kill to keep your heart from going cold
Destroy us both to love you
And fight the devil himself for your soul
But I’d never do anything you didn’t need me to do

I’d build, I’d destroy, I’d create, I’d deploy
I’d relish, I’d restore, I’d abolish, I’d ignore
Take you on as my ally and make the world itself our foe
But I’d never keep you chained to me if you needed me to let go.

In Love (1992-1998)

Waiting chalk pastels drawn in 1994

Before God and myself, I tell my story
Before my heart and my soul, I give leeway
Before this earth and it’s creatures, I hold court
I request a boon, a favor if you must
I ask only for forgiveness because it is necessary
I request love because it has all we have lost

In love there is faith, beautiful, glorious, blind faith
In love there is hope, a prayer for happiness beyond earthly confines
In love there is tolerance, differences matter not in it’s face
In love there is joy, an entity as elusive as wind, coming and going at it’s own pleasure
In love there is life, a gift we have forgotten to treat as such
In love there is beauty undeniable to the point of ensuing blindness
In love there is sorrow, without which the beauty does not exist
In love there is the essence of hell tempered by the breath of heaven
In love there is chaos, free as a bird, destructive as fear
In love there is peace, what we truly crave
In love is what I truly ask, don’t fear it’s gain, be terrified of it’s loss

So just be In Love.

If (1992-1998) #tbt

Dreams charcoal drawn in 1993

If this were my world, you wouldn’t understand
You wouldn’t know how to reach out and take my hand

If this were my earth to behold, rule and share
You wouldn’t know how to accept that I care

If your life became mine to live the way I see fit
Could you, would you be able to release it
If your heart became mine to choose who to love
Could you, would you, accept who I thought of
If your mind became mine to think your every thought
Could you, would you learn every lesson taught
If your soul became mine to give to who I choose
Could you, would you to me be able to lose

Everything in light and lift
Just behold and wonder if

Herself or Myself (1992-1998)

Misery painted 1998

I heard you cryin the other night and didn’t know what to do
I felt every tear every sigh, pouring through me and rip me in two
Once again the world has turned its back on you
Once again I stand paralyzed not knowing what to do

I saw you praying the other night and decided to do the same
I didn’t know what you were asking for so I asked for mercy in your name
Hoping God hasn’t become cruel and uncaring to your pain
Hoping He still feels for you and loves you just the same

I noticed the way you walk around now with your head down
I do it now like I’ve lost something special never to be found
Keeping it up high is too hard when you’re around
Keeping it up when all I want to do is let it hang down

I know he beat you once again the other night
I didn’t see him do it but the bruises tell the story on sight
Loving him isn’t going to make it all right
Loving him won’t make him stop hitting you at night

I swear someone was saying the meanest thing about you the other day
I stopped her immediately, told her there’s no base for what you say
Telling her didn’t do one good thing for you
Telling her wasn’t the main thing you needed me to do

I understand now why you and I get along so well
I never had anyone to come to my world and make it anything but hell
Knowing you let’s me see myself clearly
Knowing you helps me to appreciate the pain I hold so dearly

I believe I know how I can help give you back your world
I have a tale on how I got mine back that would make your toes curl
Walking through hell is the only way to salvation I know
Walking away from him is like leaving the last circle of Dante’s inferno

I promised myself that you’d never be hurt again, or was that for me
I can’t seem to separate between us and decide which of us should be free
Staying together on this is important for us
Staying together is the only way we can do what we must

I decided that it was past time that this whole affair came to an end
I want you tot know that the pain has to stop so your heart can mend
Leaving your pain isn’t the answer to your question
Leaving the source of your pain is the way to your hearts protection

I need you to comprehend that this pain you must keep
I tell you it is the reminder you’ll need so this mistake you won’t repeat
Holding the pain will keep you alive as everything else goes cold
Holding the pain will be the spark to make sure you always keep fire in your soul

I stand here now before you with hope in my eyes and both hands held out
I offer you now the method in which to rid yourself of horror and doubt
Standing before you is the life that doesn’t belong to anyone else
Standing beside you is where together we will journey to find ourself.

Not Another Bodice Ripper - The Case for Serious Romance

THE INTRODUCTION
Romance in general has always prescribed to formulas. Ask any literary agent who religiously sticks to what sells, and any aspiring romance novelist that would like to change things up. Romance novel trends seem to hate change more than any other genre. It is ironic then that it is the category of fiction that needs a makeover the most. However not truly in style, just in the context this style is delivered and perceived.

THE ISSUE
Romance has always suffered from a fallacy of perception as the people who don't actually read the genre seem to have the most to say about their inefficiency as a viable form of fiction. Yet in their vaulted wisdom of what is literary genius, and what is the lowest common denomination of literary fair, I must broach some fallacies of logic. Most high brow fiction involves some version of a love affair. The difference is usually how sexual interactions are portrayed if they are even portrayed.

THE COMPETITION
I think of some proverbial heavyweights of fiction such as Charles Dickens, Earnest Hemingway, and even Jane Austen. In their stories they seem to have very austere, pre-described, and idealized versions of love being portrayed. This is in some terms a 'clean' ethereal based love that only leaves a mess of the tongue and not of the person in a literal sense. The characters generate more passion for misplaced ideas than they do for the presence of another. Is it this sense of high dungeon that produces literary excellence?

In some instances in Hemingway's work for example there are clear overtones of a consuming misogyny as women can be easily trapped in a box and label of a mother, or a whore. It's always painfully Freudian when they end up as both, and thus rendered perfect. Yet this somehow manages to always be observed as part of the literary genius. The analogous representation of the purity of story because of the personalization of sexuality that is hardly ever actually realized just theorized.

THE THEORY
In some ways I believe the bias towards romance is a much deeper seated issue of humanity's perception of itself. The baser instincts of mating that romance points out are seen as 'immature' and 'unrefined' for many. Physical desire is usually seen as an indication of a simple beast instead of a hallmark of one in tune with the nature of whom and what it actually is. Human beings are mammals, and in many situations that animal instinct and urge is much more reliable in choosing a mate than a pros and cons list. The feeling is that romance makes absurd assumptions about this level of attraction and magnetism. That this 'animal' urge cannot be the basis to eventually grow into a deep and abiding love because love is something of a human nature, and not an animal one.

People with pets will tell you how well animals know love. Better sometimes than other human beings. They don't go with logic that their love will be returned. They operate on instinct, sometimes presenting themselves to an owner unsolicited on the street. This is how they love. Why is the idea that human love can be similar so seemingly odd? Or maybe they just have issues with the sex.

THE ANSWER
Love is a personal endeavor no matter how universal television commercials would like it to seem. The nature of it is idealized for some, and wide open for others. The truth is when writing about something as profoundly intimate as love, it is really bad form to try and relate love in another voice or fashion other than your own. The truth and charm to a story comes from that bit of truth that is included. That bit of truth is the relatable aspect of any story. This is the core of your own voice as a writer. Regardless of how many people 'understand' your character's plight or not, the truth of the situation will ring forth and give the story just the push it needs to really fly.

With that in mind it is very bad form for generalists to assume that a certain plotline or story premise is in line with any pre-described social agenda. The liberation of women was just that, liberation. Liberation is the right to make choices. A woman can decide if she would like to be a public figure or a private one. A woman can choose to vote, bear children, and get married or not. The claim that the creation of or reading of romance somehow 'tricks' women into believing in self destructive rhetoric is almost more offensive than any other misogynic claim as it actually feeds into the myth that women are incapable of processing thought beyond what they know to be a fictitious account.

In laymen's terms, the claim in essence says that a grown woman is not capable of separating fantasy from reality. This is a claim usually attached to mental illness, and honestly makes light of conditions suffered by those who have legitimate hormonal imbalances, injuries or birth defects that are associated with mental illness. Reading romance is not an illness. Also it no more detracts from feminist prose as it would add to it. With that being said, no romance is the same. Like all forms of entertainment and media there are levels of content. No two books actually read the same.

The romance formula is very easy to follow. Usually two people, and in recent entries sometimes more, have a great potential for a romantic relationship. They must confront each other and often times the results are not initially positive. That is because of individuality. This is an aspect of romance that is explored more than it is in some of its traditional fiction contemporaries. You have the dichotomy of a relationship as opposed to the relationship being a side car to the dichotomy of the story. In the end the essence of the story is to confront relationship boundaries and expose them. This is a very emotional plane of existence that can sometimes hold the same trauma as a tragedy. And it should. Love is a life changing event. Seeking to experience it, and be bound to another person for all time is also a life changing event. As far as I know not a single life changing event has ever gone quietly and without lessons in humility and shame. These are human emotions that bear the weight in most situations. Yet in love they are the core of what this entanglement is about.

The way a writer creates this is wide open. This sense of growing affection and intimacy is developed from one thing and one thing only, seeing the person for who they are and loving them because or despite it. This is a truth that romance novelists understand that is rarely examined in most contemporary literature where relationships seem to be of convenience and not of necessity. Others are forced attachments where the characters are bound by seemingly invisible tendrils of emotion that are strong enough to bond yet not strong enough to carry the story.

To some degree the emergence of more acceptable contemporary popular fiction, and the need to be perceived a certain way by others has taken the blush from the rose as far as sweeping love relationships are concerned. Romance novels have long been the butt of literary jokes and recently in a twisted parody of art imitating life some have even endeavored to live up to this reputation of being incomprehensible smut with bad punctuation and grammar. But what are the far reaching consequences to this? This seeming end to fairytale as it were that now blocks the heart from even seeking some idealized contentment. Is it this lack of 'romance' being taken seriously in day to day life that has enabled a lack of respect for sex, marriage, and all romantic relationships? Has the 'replaceable' mate taken the place of the 'irreplaceable' mate?

Today more than ever in a world of revolving doorlike changes we need the purity of actual romance.

Of Love and Madness

It wasn't desperation, couldn't be desperation that makes me act.
It wasn't confusion, couldn't be confusion that makes me wait.
It wasn't masochism, couldn't be masochism that makes me hold on.

The thoughts swirl and mix.  Chemistry of the brain the scientists will call it.  This gland secretes this fluid, and the reaction is love.  This gland releases this hormone, and the change is lust. This enzyme is allowed to run free in your brain, and it manufactures hate. So very simple is it, in the end the things that power a being to move.  So very simple.

Your brain sends this signal, and your heart rate speeds up.  Your synapses process this change, and respond to make your sweat glands react. This reaction takes away from another, and your mouth goes dry.  This dryness triggers a response that dilates your eyes. The process for fear takes movement from your limbs.  The fluid secreted to minimize your movement and maximize your senses. Your senses expand making everything clearer.  Sense of taste, smell, sensation, hearing, even sight to tell the brain how next to respond.  What fluid to secrete. What enzyme to release. What sense to expand. What action to take next.  It's all a biological process that is easy to explain.  Why you feel the way you do.

Why do I feel the way that I do?  What process triggers that? What fluid is released and secreted? What change has happened to cause this to occur? Where did this start?  Not from a thought, not from a moment, no stimulation on my part.  It was the other one that started this.  What did they do to inject such intensity. Why with a look can the world shift on its axis?

The science explains nothing. Instead just confirms my madness. It's incomplete this definition. Without a proper point of entry.  The big bang theory on love. It just happened without an impetus without a cause. There has to be another place, another wall; a path we haven't seen.  There has to be another channel another space that we can't perceive.

It wasn't desperation, couldn't be desperation
It wasn't confusion, couldn't be confusion
It wasn't masochism, couldn't be masochism

Does the oxygen in the air thin when they arrive?  The levels of carbon dioxide become greater, and takes away from the air quality. Maybe they exude a pheromone that causes my tongue to swell. Perhaps they have altered my gravity setting off an unerring chain reaction in my head; the brain seeks to protect itself from the heightened levels. Too much iron in their blood causing a magnetic response. Water, of course, they have lower or higher levels of water in their system. The hydrogen makes me light headed. It is a volatile element always on the brink of exploding.

Nonsense, foolish tripe, driveling nonsense. The elements don’t react that way.  The human form is not only a body.  It is a body, connected to a controlling conscious mind driven by an unseeable unphantomable force called a spirit. I would reason that while the body is ruled by the mind, and the mind has made itself a slave to reason, this spirit knows nothing of logic.  Logic this construct of man to give reason focus, and to relegate emotion to fantasy.  Something to sometimes indulge, but never take too seriously.  After all it bears no true weight and meaning.  And yet it explains all else that logic can't.

It wasn't desperation
It wasn't confusion
It wasn't masochism

I must call it madness. That's what any sensible human being calls it when it doesn't have a logical explanation.  Only that which is logical is sane.  Correct. . It wasn't...  Correct, logic is the only true answer.  In logic is reason, and reason has justification, reason has . . .  It wasn't . . . has the essence of life.  We have created so much on the back of reason. . .It wasn't ..love is just this fanciful idea. It's a theoretical theological myth. . . It wasn't . . . love doesn't happen this way in an instant.  It is cultivated over time, between two people with a wealth of common goals and interests and they. . . It wasn't  . . love each other because it's practical and beneficial.  That thing was just a chemical response, physiology and such . . . it wasn't. . .love.  It wasn't love, how could it be love. How could it be love?

How could it be anything but love?

Have you ever wanted. . .

Have you ever wanted to love?

I mean really love.  

Not that bullshit your last failed relationship was but an honest to goodness meeting of heart and soul. A merging of two spirits to form a complete whole.  

Have you ever wanted to really understand that connection that core deep binding to someone where you know if you breathe they feel it. 

Beyond logical response or restraint. 

Beyond those simpletons that complain about how hard relationships are because oh no someone actually cares about what happens to you and wants to see you as you are without boundaries and borders.

Have you ever wanted to know in your heart, your soul, your gut that they are there and they are always on your team?

You give and try to build with shallow selfish children that listen to their id when you are listening to their hearts. 

Have you ever wanted to defy what people tell you about men and women and how they have to interact?

Move away from those dull shallow attachments that have no clue that true intimacy doesn't involve sex it involves pain.

Sharing of pain, of life of death of true emotion.

Its the sharing of life as it comes passion, creation being.

Its standing emotionally naked and bare before their eyes open and weeping without shame or fear.

Its knowing that the intimacy you are giving, the glimpse into the most innocent and vulnerable part of you is not going to be casually ripped apart by the mewling discord of an emotionally crippled vagrant. 

So would I.

The Weight of My Own Arrogance

No one needs your attention to be in love with you, certainly not me

I don't need your words, or your thoughts, I don't need your body or your mind

I don't need your care or devotion, your presence, not a thing that belongs to you

I don't have to back up my feelings with cold hard facts that prove that loving you is worth its salt

No one needs your consideration to be in love with you, certainly not me

I don't seek your acknowledgment or bearing, I'm not expecting your charm or cunning

I don't seek your motivations and your logics, your plots and plans

I don't seek a clever scheme or trap, some pitiful ruse to give me a good reason to have fallen for you

No one needs your permission to be in love with you, certainly not me

I don't have to clear it with you, make sure it suits your needs or answers your prayers

I don't have to have the right key and see if it suits, just the right fit

I don't have to qualify it, quantify it or even see it through if you're not holding me accountable

No one needs your love to be in love with you, certainly not me

Need I say more, of all the things I don't need, I don't need that most of all

Nothing I say changes the tides, opens the gates or bridges the gaps

All is left unanswered, unclaimed, untapped

And yet not a single thing has changed, obviously certainly not me