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Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Wounded by Ben Burgess Jr. Interview with Samantha Miller

Wounded by Ben Burgess Jr.  

Interview with Samantha Miller 

Sept. 9, 2014
How do you feel about your family, now that you’re an adult?
Samantha: My biological family means nothing to me. I don’t have any fond memories of them and the memories I do have of them are all painful. In short, fuck them! I didn’t need them back then, and I don’t need them now.

What do you want from life?
Samantha: I just want to be happy. I want to get my photography business off the ground so I can eventually retire from stripping. I want to have a family and replace the horrible memories of my parents with new positive memories.

If you were granted three wishes, what would you ask for?
Samantha: My first wish would be for loving parents. My second wish, I’d wish I was never molested as a child. My last wish would be to have a successful photography business.

What three things would you take to a Desert Island?
Samantha:  I would take my favorite picture of my friends Silka and Jaime.  I don’t really hold things special to me. There isn’t anything that I couldn’t really live without. I’m a survivor. All I’d need is that photo of my girls.

What, in the outside world, is preventing you from getting it? 
Samantha: By “it” do you mean happiness? Having a record stops me from getting most jobs and that stops me from being happy. Not finding someone I feel totally understands me is another thing that makes me unhappy.

What, in yourself, is preventing you from getting it?
Samantha: Reality is stopping me from having happiness. Being raped, fucks with my head every day.

What must happen before you overcome this?
Samantha: I honestly don’t know how to overcome it. I always land on my feet no matter what. I always survive. Unless the world changes for me, there’s no way to overcome it.

In your relationship with others, how are you different with family than you are with friends? Why?
Samantha: I don’t have a family. My parents, I don’t consider them my family. I only have my surrogates Jaime and Silka. I cherish them more than anything. They’re the only positive people I have in my life.

How do you fall in love? At first sight? Over a long period?
Samantha: If I were to fall in love, it would take a long time. I don’t trust women easily and get bored just as easy.

What parts of loving come easy for you? Hard?
Samantha: Fucking a woman and making her feel important and special comes easy to me. I’m good at manipulating women. What’s hard is finding a woman who I can stand after we have sex.

How do you decide if you can trust someone? Experience with others? with this person? First impressions? Intuition? Do you test the person somehow? Or are you just generally disposed to trust or not to trust?
Samantha: For me, I generally don’t trust people. I guess you can say I test people. I’m big on observing them during situations and seeing where their head is at. First impressions with me are important, but I also trust my instincts. If I don’t feel a good vibe from people, I don’t deal with them.

When you walk into a room, what do you notice first? Second?
Samantha: When I walk into a room, I notice the people and which women I find attractive. Second, I observe what activities were going on when I entered the room.

When you walk into a room, what do you expect people to notice about you?
Samantha: Everyone notices my eyes when I walk into a room.

Book Description:
Samantha Miller didn't have an easy start. Molested as a child and subsequently forced into prostitution by her drug-addicted mother, Samantha learned at an early age that men were not to be trusted. Being constantly preyed upon taught her to be a predator. Her target was women-specifically, straight or married women. As the headliner at a local strip club, Samantha capitalized on the gifts she was cursed with. In turn, her life quickly spiraled down a dangerous path of violence, seduction, and exploitation. When Sasha is brought on as the new bartender, she becomes Samantha's newest target. The last thing Samantha anticipated was falling in love. When tragedy strikes, what was once a challenge may prove to be her downfall. Can Samantha heal from her abusive past, or will she always be Wounded?

Genre: Urban Fiction/Lesbian Fiction

Get The Book Here:

Sunday, August 31, 2014

The Muse

Sasha watercolors 1998

I’m terrified, for the first time in my life I am honestly tempted to run
All of my bravado, my shit talking ways lay at my feet in dust all but done
Uncertainty does not even begin to describe the depth of my emotions
Confusion does not skim the surface of my delusional notions
I never asked for this, did you, I never wanted this, how could you
Dragged me in by the thick of my hide, kicking and screaming fuck you

I’m petrified, how on earth did you expect me to feel
But it was never about me; you just wanted another way to deal
Selfishness is something I’m all too familiar with, I know how it works
Daily I exercise my right to walk hand and hand with assholes and jerks
Denying the true motive for my rather inhumane form of expression
Deep down inside I just crave to be in their mists, their latest obsession

I’m telling the truth, maybe for the first and last time in my life
I suffer a hole the size of the world ever growing with it’s strife
The shell I wear is the only shield I have against the pain trying to take me
This false persona the only defense against the masochism I want to set free
Lying to myself as I lie to you with a smile of indifference a lack of concern
While I hold myself together trying to quell the fire of outrage that will always burn

Can anyone honestly love a creature such as myself, you see my dilemma
Does such a self-sacrificing creature exist that can tolerate my self-imposed enigma

But I see you, through the haze of tantrums in the face of moral obligation
I see you, through the lies of society on the path to a throne of uncharted destination
Somewhere between my own damnation and your condescension, humility seeped through
Somehow I found a door to another plane of myself of unrecognizable texture and hue

Logic is a notion that can only be defined by itself
Emotion carries facets and karats of immeasurable wealth
I want to taste your tears, revel in the face of your jubilation
I want to incite your passion, stand by you in moments of humiliation
I want your unguarded expressions, be the cause of your lack of concentration
I want what has been denied to others, a bond that defies all analytical explanation

Then I’m resigned by the need and the dependence of such thoughts of you
My lack of patience subsides in the face of avidly wanting to see this through
But my wants are incidental, never as important as I have desired them to be
My need inconsequential as I let fantasy run the course of what could be you and me
In the shadows of my own trepidation that for whatever reason you just might call my bluff
I humbly carry the haunting notion that ultimately my dreams of you will have to be enough

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Tail End of Tomorrow

We arrive on the tail end of tomorrow
We stop to smell the roses, trying to drown our sorrow
The next day comes bringing hope and despair
Holding myths of forever, life without a care
O believe in the impossible, live by the inevitable
Tear away from the set and ignore status quo

Do you miss the boredom, miss the need
Do you crave the sickness, yearn to feed

The hate that rains on others yet passes some
The twist of the knife that is still to come
Depending on those that can’t depend on themselves or each other
Dropping life long friends because you’ve found a new lover

Density at mass is the best description
Failure at class, there is no redemption

Don’t pity me as you scoff because I’m not accepted
Instead feel my disgust in you, know I rejoice in being rejected
I can hear you laughing at me from your place in the vacuous void
I take it stone-faced and silent because I know it makes you paranoid
I’m not alone, regardless of what you may need to believe
Beside me stands a different sect awaiting the dawn of our eve

We arrive on the tail end of tomorrow
Waiting patiently for you to let go
The truth stands away from your lies
Every day it gets stronger as your view dies
O believe in the impossible, live by the inevitable
In the distance there is a reckoning that will destroy your fable