Not A Sin (1992-1998)

Clash colored pencil drawn 1993

I’m sorry that I didn’t explain what last night meant
I simply wasn’t ready for the gift God sent
I thought that love had sirens and bells
Instead it’s like peace and only a kiss can tell
I thought I I’d know if it caught me in it’s hold
I figured I’d see it shine fierce like spun gold
But instead it crept up behind me frightened my heart
Made me believe that I was wrong this can’t be how it starts
Now months later I can’t explain the night at all
I just now that right when I pull away, I fall
When I hesitate my mind brings pain
When I doubt I feel no gain
So I torture myself and wonder at the fact
Could he really love this idiot this spoiled brat
This indecisive beast who plays the silliest games
This petty person that yelled over the ignorance of a name
I really don’t care how it started that night of before
I’m standing here in love and I’m terrified of opening the door
I give myself headaches, practically lose my mind
Did I really walk away from what I thought I’d never find
I comfort my heart with my imagination
Still wondering if God sent a man to see to my salvation
I feel unworthy, but I want it all so bad
I feel like a failure because the loss of love makes me sad
No one really cares about the state of anyone’s heart
All they care is if their words leave another dart
I’ll wake up tomorrow and start my fight again
And eventually I will understand that love is not a sin

In Love (1992-1998)

Waiting chalk pastels drawn in 1994

Before God and myself, I tell my story
Before my heart and my soul, I give leeway
Before this earth and it’s creatures, I hold court
I request a boon, a favor if you must
I ask only for forgiveness because it is necessary
I request love because it has all we have lost

In love there is faith, beautiful, glorious, blind faith
In love there is hope, a prayer for happiness beyond earthly confines
In love there is tolerance, differences matter not in it’s face
In love there is joy, an entity as elusive as wind, coming and going at it’s own pleasure
In love there is life, a gift we have forgotten to treat as such
In love there is beauty undeniable to the point of ensuing blindness
In love there is sorrow, without which the beauty does not exist
In love there is the essence of hell tempered by the breath of heaven
In love there is chaos, free as a bird, destructive as fear
In love there is peace, what we truly crave
In love is what I truly ask, don’t fear it’s gain, be terrified of it’s loss

So just be In Love.

If (1992-1998) #tbt

Dreams charcoal drawn in 1993

If this were my world, you wouldn’t understand
You wouldn’t know how to reach out and take my hand

If this were my earth to behold, rule and share
You wouldn’t know how to accept that I care

If your life became mine to live the way I see fit
Could you, would you be able to release it
If your heart became mine to choose who to love
Could you, would you, accept who I thought of
If your mind became mine to think your every thought
Could you, would you learn every lesson taught
If your soul became mine to give to who I choose
Could you, would you to me be able to lose

Everything in light and lift
Just behold and wonder if

After Some Time (1992-1998)

Misery painted in 1998

Maybe in awhile we can talk to each other again

Maybe one day we can discuss where together we’ve been

Maybe in time we can work something out

Maybe soon you’ll stop looking at me with doubt


After some time maybe you can trust me once more

After some time maybe you will realize that I was never a whore


Maybe in the future you’ll look at me with trust

Maybe after a while you’ll know I was never ruled by lust

Maybe before it’s over I can bring the joy back to your world

Maybe before its too late you’ll realize I was the only girl


After some time maybe we won’t decide to be apart

After some time maybe you’ll start listening to your heart


I can only say maybe when I’m not sure what’s to come

I can only make a bet on chances that are second to none

I can only hope that you trust the feelings for me you find

I can only ask you for those things after some time