I
believe all of our social problems can be laid at the feet of this compound
sentence and title. Within this statement is the bane of our social existence. How can I make the lack of societal
responsibility on the part of the first the fault of the second?
The fallacy
of this statement is not lost on me. The problem is that I believe it is lost
on most people. Somehow the world of
print media, advertising, and all else have laid the blame for a woman not
being attractive to men at the feet of the woman. Somehow women must strive to satisfy male
needs without any concept or care for themselves and who they are. I suppose this wouldn't be so upsetting if it
were 1912 as opposed to 2012. Yet with
the coming of the new year it is obvious that some things still haven't
changed.
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| Man plan |
When a
woman, namely myself, reads these types of articles that encourage women to
dress a certain way, style their hair a certain way, and insist that they don't
nag, I become a bit offended. Ironically
not nearly as offended as I become when reading the ones that encourage devious
and deceptive behavior as the best way to make yourself 'bait' in a man
catching trap. And always if you are not being pursued then there must be
something wrong with you as the woman.
The ones that tell you how to alter your behavior so that you 'appear'
to be the perfect girl for the guy you have decided you want are the worst
offenders of this type of social masking.
Somehow the 'surface' fixes offered by some sites are not nearly as
gamey as the personality overrides that more sophisticated networks are
offering.
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| As if |
The most
popular top 10 lists don’t talk about looks, they talk about behaviors that
they feel women need to break in order to be more appealing to a man. They focus on making sure that you are that
bit of fluff in his life that expects little from him and requires little
maintenance, yet somehow always has time for him. Only have fun conversations
with him and don’t be so negative. What
guy wants to deal with any problems other than his own? So with this in mind,
try not to ever have any. And if you do
have the decency to not bring them up to him.
You really need to figure out how be less. . . . human when
with a man. That’s all. You can’t really be friends anyway because of
the sex thing and the fact that you have nothing in common so keep things
simple. Should be a quick and easy fix to go from a fully layered functioning
person to a constant Budweiser commercial.
While the
woman is busy making herself the idea girl, where is the work for the guy? What is he doing? Surely he can't be bothered to be making sure
that he is the right guy for the kind of girl he has decided he deserves. Ahh but he is.
So
somewhere else in the mass media haze men are being told how they need to act
to get that one woman that all men must want because if you want a different
kind of woman you are somehow less of a man. She must be this paradigm of
womanhood that manages to stay beautiful, sexy, by being painfully
self-centered, materialistic, and occasionally asinine. Because if she’s not
like that she must be playing you or there is something wrong with her because
all girls worth being with are like that.
So you
have to be well dressed, have a well paying job, and pretend to listen to her
on occasion. God knows she isn’t talking
about anything but her clothes and hair.
Because as a man all you can offer her is what you are worth in the
world. You make the call, sit and decide
what type of woman you want and then be ready to snatch that idea woman up when
she presents herself.
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| Perfect Man (Female Perspective) |
I’m sure
she’ll manage to seem loving when she needs to be, if not, buy her treats, she’ll
come to heel right quick; have you on your back licking your face. Remember be manly, don’t let her have her way
too much and don’t let her completely rule you through sex. Which is the only thing she has that is of
value to you. Well along with cooking
and cleaning, but women love to do that all the time so you’re doing her a
favor by eating her food and making a mess. ( Notice how the male perspective of a perfect man and the woman's perspective of a perfect man don't even resemble each other)
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| A to B |
Yes in a
perfect storm the two happen to meet, but how? Because usually the girl he is
building himself for is not the one that is building for him. They would be
together if they were pursuing the same goal. If he is busy being the man that
he thinks woman A wants and woman B is busy being the woman that she thinks man
A wants while there is a man B trying to be the man for woman B. You get the pickle this puts them all in. In
that case, when will these two people, who are probably good for each other but
are otherwise engaged in being someone they are not. . . meet?
The
other end of the spectrum is of course the men and women who are the idea so
they don't have to work quite so hard to attract and capture a mate. (I’m using the word capture in a metaphorical
sense because it is usually how the dating, mating thing is referenced) They
merely have to pick and choose who will be worthy enough to be with them.
Basically
all of us mutts are dressing up as thoroughbreds hoping the real deal doesn't
notice long enough to get them hooked on us.
And we wonder why divorce rates are so damned high. In the end it doesn't matter what you have
coated yourself in, if you're a mutt, you will eventually be revealed as a
mutt. Why play the game when you know
the inevitable outcome?
By the
way, there isn't anything wrong with mutts.
So it is this value system that seems to pose the biggest threat to relationships
between men and women. Always we go to
media and let it determine what is of value in our world and what is not. I know people believe that the media has no
effect on how they determine who to date or why. I pose the argument that it does. When you
compare and contrast definitions of beauty in other cultures and other countries
and how the media backs this up it is obvious that we are affected by it
because they are often not reflected universally. For beauty to be a given it would have to
have a more universal appeal. People who
are more symmetrical are more attractive across the boards. However not everyone prefers blondes.
I love
those relationships where the couple finds themselves hopelessly and madly in
love for very inexplicable reasons. You
see those great loves didn't start under perfect or even convenient circumstances. The couple usually had a rough road as they
had to deal with who they really are in full view of the other person as
opposed to who they wanted to be seen as. This is a crossroad moment. The relationship either grows or dies in this
instant.
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| First Date |
In
laymen's terms, I think most relationships are Adam and Eve all over
again. You are naked and blissful,
unaware of who you are and that you should be ashamed, then whammy you eat the
wrong thing, all is revealed and you just want to run and hide before the other
person sees too much. Before they see you're insecure, your confidence can be
broken from time to time, you're not perfect, but flawed. Before they see the parts of you that make
you human. This is when the strength of the relationship is really tested. When you have to drop all of your bullshit
fantasies and look at the mess you got yourself in. All kicked out of Eden and shit.
If a
couple survives that terrifying moment of looking each other in the eye and
knowing that you are naked before them then they have a shot at it. But they
don't have a shot unless they have that moment. Because the same holds true for
all things, nothing worth having is easy.
Nothing that is easy is worth having.
Only in the face of separation do we finally realize where we truly want
to be.
In the
end we are whoever it is we happen to be.
Trust is lost in relationships when it becomes painfully apparent that
one of you, or worse yet both of you, is lying in what you told that other
person was an important part of your life.
Anyone who has ever had a passion for anything knows you don’t risk an
important part of your life on affairs, lack of time spent with it, or lies to
yourself about it.
The
brave dive in and deal with it. They
take risks and chances to make sure it is IN their life. If you don’t have that, you never had that
person’s interest. You were a convenience and not a necessity. You should treat
the relationship the same way. Eventually
you’ll find that person that won’t flinch and will boldly stand naked before
you as you do the same before them.
A to B Courtesy of
Man Plan Courtesy of
Perfect Woman Courtesy of
Perfect Man Courtesy of
First Date Courtesy of
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