Reality |
When I'm writing a romance I try and keep a few concepts mutually exclusive. The concepts are what people want in a relationship and what they need. We'll call them perfect 'want' and enlightening 'need'. I've never really believed that these ideas coincide. But in the world of romance they must go hand and hand because you're not just telling a heart love story, you're telling a head love story and the characters being together has to make sense to the reader before they do to the characters. Keeps the reader.. . reading if for no other reason than to have the "I told you so!" moment at the end. I want my readers to feel like these characters are friends of theirs that for some reason haven't figured it out yet.
Fables Cover Great comic series that reinvents fairytales |
The issue comes with desire, want, satisfaction, and need. We are currently a society that focuses on want, desire, satisfaction, and yet we usually frown on need. The feeling of saying and thinking it leaves many of us with the sour taste of getting good socks for Christmas instead of toys as children. We didn't want the socks we needed, we wanted the Tonka truck (And yes I know I'm a girl, but I really did!).
We all have different ways of understanding ourselves through these urges. Some of us have taught ourselves to ignore or quell them, others to go in full hog. It asserts itself in how and why we begin relationships with each other. Whether friendly, romantic, business, we have an idea of what we would like to accomplish with someone else and how they should respond in certain situations. But in many cases, such as personal relationships, we have a tendency to overlook and downplay actions and attitudes of a person because they fit a 'mold' of who we want to be seen as in a relationship with, instead of just understanding that their mold really doesn't fit our mold.
Oh yeah Mr. Tonka truck! |
So what is perfect 'want'. I have always made the concept of perfect 'want'an attainable fantasy. This means that while we all have this fantasy life that contains our perfect everything, we all know deep down inside that this person is a myth. They are in fact a fantasy. So instead we have the concept of perfect 'want'. This is the person that is just close enough that you can forgive pretty much any henious actions or crimes to be with them. But at the end of the day, the issue is not who they are, its' who you want them to be. Their actions notwithstanding, the person who is in love with their perfect 'want' is wooed by the idea that they have their perfect person. It stands because they so badly want this person to be perfect so in essence they become that in their eyes.
Hey Cat! |
Want? |
Well if you're thinking enlightening 'need' is the opposite of perfect 'want' then you are already thinking correctly about it. Enlightening 'need' is the opposite. This is the person that somehow manages to make you see them and through them, yourself. If perfect 'want' is the attainable fantasy then enlightening 'need' is the fleeting reality. That person looks a lot more like who your mother would pick, or your best friend. But this is a reality that you have to know because sometimes friends and family can be blinded by their own ideas of perfect 'want' for you and have not acknowledged your enlightening 'need'. Its not a logical thought or choice but an internal sense of knowing. Sometimes you can't connect any reason why they are the one. They just are. Somehow without being told they know what you really need and provide it whether you want it or not.
Enlightenment |
It seems in the end the difference lies in the proof and that's in the pudding.
Hmm pudding.. I digress.
The proof lies in your heart, not your mind because the impossible doesn't make sense until after it's done. (wink)
Grab one of my books as a how-to guide and get out there and get what you need.
Photo Credits:
Reality courtesy of: http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1332/1190818714_59b75ec2c2.jpg
Fables Cover courtesy of: http://media.dcentertainment.com/sites/default/files/book-covers/2361_400x600.jpg
Tonka truck courtesy of: http://jesda.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/wpid-tonka-large-vintage-very-old-metal-tonka-dump-truck_320621611820-2011-02-10-01-08.jpg
Hey Cat! courtesy of: http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/c48.0.403.403/p403x403/297068_434802666558608_1960376484_n.jpg
Want? courtesy of: http://imgc.allpostersimages.com/images/P-473-488-90/61/6150/GQCG100Z/posters/leo-cullum-they-don-t-keep-you-on-a-leash-because-they-want-you-to-run-away-cartoon.jpg
Enlightenment courtesy of: http://nickstlee.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/i_love_you____pon_and_zi_by_ladyselena.jpg
Pudding courtesy of: http://free-extras.com/images/pudding-5712.htm