Too Much To Lose
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| Woman! |
Too much to lose.
This was a concept I had a hard time understanding when years ago I
spoke about subjects like, racism, sexism, and hatred with one of the most
enlightened souls live ever known.
I would ask, how can you justify that kind of hate? Why do people even feel that way? I could almost understand if personal
experience turned a person a certain way.
But in the end a wrong was done to you by a particular person, not an
entire group of people. How?
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| Racist Dog! |
Too much to lose was all he said. I walked away that day not sure what he meant. It took years
before it truly sunk in. What he meant was that the person in the position of
privilege had too much to lose in admitting the truth. If you stop and really
place yourself in that situation it becomes so clear. And I reflected on key life experiences that shaped my
intolerance to hate and I applied that thought to why I was being treated so
very poorly by so many people who I was told were ‘good, decent people.’
My best friend when I was 5 condemned me to hell because I
wasn’t Catholic.
The Sunday school teacher who reprimanded me as a blasphemer
for saying I wanted to be like Jesus, yet the white male next to me was
commended for the thought.
The 1st grade teacher who accused me of cheating
on an aptitude test.
The school in Mansfield Texas that sent me immediately to
remedial classes on sight even though they originally were going to add me to
advanced classes because of my grades.
My first crush that was told he wasn’t allowed to play with
me anymore.
The girl I defended from school bullies who was told she
wasn’t allowed to play with me.
The boys who pretended to not like me in front of other
people.
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| Just in Case |
The coworkers who would question and downplay my work ethic
while admitting that I produced over 30% of all work done by a 5 person team.
The grown men claiming that we are incompatible when all
else says otherwise.
Every single instance that made me feel ugly, dirty,
marginal, and in no way American was based on this idea of having too much to
lose. They claim that there is
enough pie for everyone, but they never act like it do they? Too much to lose.
Somehow my makeup, in essence, the things I am good at was
not something that someone like me was supposed to be good at. And it was not really a judgment
against me personally as much as it was condemnation of everything this person
has come to use as valuable life information. My existence was this antithesis of what they held dear and
in that moment they needed to find out the ‘truth’. However this is one of those growth equations. If you actually seek the truth you do
it by discovering, not by proving.
In proving a truth you have already prescribed to a method to
allowing hate free reign in your heart and your life.
When you have too much to lose, like an idea of right and
wrong. A theory on why some people
have and some don’t have, the most terrifying idea in the world is that it
isn’t true. This wrecks realities
and brings you face to face with your own biases and prejudices. It tears you down to your core
functions and makes you ask, why me, and not them. And the answer isn’t good enough because you come to realize
how unstable the entire belief system is.
In a country that built itself on the back of a lie that somehow
people have been ‘marked’ better than other people to the point that its forbearers
enslaved and breed one people while systematically hunting and killing another,
is there anything more frightening than the idea that it was only a chance of
Fate that you ended up on the ‘winning’ side.
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| Real Americans |
Is there any wonder with such an auspicious beginning we
find ourselves in such a destructive cycle? What we have built is a house on a foundation so flimsy that
the lightest touch can barrel it over.
So we shore it with more lies, bind it with half-truths, and then seal
it with a prayer of vaulted authority promising the foundation is firm. After a while you forget that it was
all an illusion and you start to believe the lie is the truth and that’s when
we find ourselves in this mess of compounded lie upon lie cause no one
remembers that it was all a lie to begin with so you stop shoring it, expecting
it to stand on its own. You let
the binds break because it’s firm, but you still seal it with your prayer of
authority.
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| God?!?! You've Changed! |
They say, by dictate of God, this is as it should be, as He
wills it, because freewill is a lie of the devil. After all God couldn’t be sitting back letting the dirty and
pure muck it out together so that each person can know the content and character
of their own soul, sorting themselves as they live in each other’s midst. Surely he would keep the good, the
clean, and the righteous together so that they aren’t tainted by the other
element. Because of course, it’s so
easy to corrupt the pure.
Too much too lose, I’m better than you, and God has made it
so. So I get to tell you what to do, God has made it so. You blasphemer, my God will strike you
down, your deeds should lay unforgiven; my God will smite thee to honor my
grace. My God has empowered me to
speak for Him. Yes my God is a
him; He bids me to tell you that He’s your God as well, so I have dominion over
you.
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| Carlin |
Funny I never wanted God to strike down anyone for me. Instead I wanted them to learn from
their mistakes and live a better life.
And in so many things. .. there in lies the difference. Never for me, or for them, these people
or those people. . .always for us. .
And like a house of cards it comes tumbling down.
Racist Dog Courtesy of http://dailybail.com/storage/racist_dog.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1281464059133
Just in Case Courtesy of http://abagond.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/racism-just-in-case.jpg
Woman! Courtesy of http://ivysays.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/tumblr_kxm4p6ot0u1qa49tx1.jpg
Carlin Courtesy of http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Carlincropped.jpg
God!?!? You've Changed! Courtesy of http://www.inquisitr.com/wp-content/2012/06/morgan-freeman-god.jpg
Real Americans Courtesy of https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn029bmeiYDVJh6axhosWoKoizpMWN0npkE-E-bphyphenhyphenHPTXy4j58D-2k62dNfzBVZvpq12gYCga5VTzutUVzBlszENWQS3E7_74DuRag-kirzfevM_P1n7ocSlQTMRigi-_3FhzpLmtARI/s1600/political-pictures-real-americans-scary.jpg
