Too Much To Lose

Too Much To Lose

Woman!

Too much to lose.  This was a concept I had a hard time understanding when years ago I spoke about subjects like, racism, sexism, and hatred with one of the most enlightened souls live ever known.  I would ask, how can you justify that kind of hate?  Why do people even feel that way?  I could almost understand if personal experience turned a person a certain way.  But in the end a wrong was done to you by a particular person, not an entire group of people.  How?

Racist Dog!

Too much to lose was all he said.  I walked away that day not sure what he meant. It took years before it truly sunk in. What he meant was that the person in the position of privilege had too much to lose in admitting the truth. If you stop and really place yourself in that situation it becomes so clear.  And I reflected on key life experiences that shaped my intolerance to hate and I applied that thought to why I was being treated so very poorly by so many people who I was told were ‘good, decent people.’

My best friend when I was 5 condemned me to hell because I wasn’t Catholic.

The Sunday school teacher who reprimanded me as a blasphemer for saying I wanted to be like Jesus, yet the white male next to me was commended for the thought.

The 1^st grade teacher who accused me of cheating on an aptitude test.

The school in Mansfield Texas that sent me immediately to remedial classes on sight even though they originally were going to add me to advanced classes because of my grades.

My first crush that was told he wasn’t allowed to play with me anymore.

The girl I defended from school bullies who was told she wasn’t allowed to play with me.

The boys who pretended to not like me in front of other people.

Just in Case

The coworkers who would question and downplay my work ethic while admitting that I produced over 30% of all work done by a 5 person team.

The grown men claiming that we are incompatible when all else says otherwise.

Every single instance that made me feel ugly, dirty, marginal, and in no way American was based on this idea of having too much to lose.  They claim that there is enough pie for everyone, but they never act like it do they?  Too much to lose.

Somehow my makeup, in essence, the things I am good at was not something that someone like me was supposed to be good at.  And it was not really a judgment against me personally as much as it was condemnation of everything this person has come to use as valuable life information.  My existence was this antithesis of what they held dear and in that moment they needed to find out the ‘truth’.  However this is one of those growth equations.  If you actually seek the truth you do it by discovering, not by proving.  In proving a truth you have already prescribed to a method to allowing hate free reign in your heart and your life.

When you have too much to lose, like an idea of right and wrong.  A theory on why some people have and some don’t have, the most terrifying idea in the world is that it isn’t true.  This wrecks realities and brings you face to face with your own biases and prejudices.  It tears you down to your core functions and makes you ask, why me, and not them.  And the answer isn’t good enough because you come to realize how unstable the entire belief system is.

In a country that built itself on the back of a lie that somehow people have been ‘marked’ better than other people to the point that its forbearers enslaved and breed one people while systematically hunting and killing another, is there anything more frightening than the idea that it was only a chance of Fate that you ended up on the ‘winning’ side.  

Real Americans

Is there any wonder with such an auspicious beginning we find ourselves in such a destructive cycle?  What we have built is a house on a foundation so flimsy that the lightest touch can barrel it over.  So we shore it with more lies, bind it with half-truths, and then seal it with a prayer of vaulted authority promising the foundation is firm.  After a while you forget that it was all an illusion and you start to believe the lie is the truth and that’s when we find ourselves in this mess of compounded lie upon lie cause no one remembers that it was all a lie to begin with so you stop shoring it, expecting it to stand on its own.  You let the binds break because it’s firm, but you still seal it with your prayer of authority. 

God?!?! You've Changed!

They say, by dictate of God, this is as it should be, as He wills it, because freewill is a lie of the devil.  After all God couldn’t be sitting back letting the dirty and pure muck it out together so that each person can know the content and character of their own soul, sorting themselves as they live in each other’s midst.  Surely he would keep the good, the clean, and the righteous together so that they aren’t tainted by the other element.  Because of course, it’s so easy to corrupt the pure. 

Too much too lose, I’m better than you, and God has made it so. So I get to tell you what to do, God has made it so.  You blasphemer, my God will strike you down, your deeds should lay unforgiven; my God will smite thee to honor my grace.  My God has empowered me to speak for Him.  Yes my God is a him; He bids me to tell you that He’s your God as well, so I have dominion over you.

Carlin

Funny I never wanted God to strike down anyone for me.  Instead I wanted them to learn from their mistakes and live a better life.  And in so many things. .. there in lies the difference.  Never for me, or for them, these people or those people. . .always for us. .

And like a house of cards it comes tumbling down.

Racist Dog Courtesy of http://dailybail.com/storage/racist_dog.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1281464059133

Just in Case Courtesy of http://abagond.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/racism-just-in-case.jpg

Woman! Courtesy of http://ivysays.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/tumblr_kxm4p6ot0u1qa49tx1.jpg

Carlin Courtesy of http://newhumanist.org.uk/images/Carlincropped.jpg

God!?!? You've Changed! Courtesy of http://www.inquisitr.com/wp-content/2012/06/morgan-freeman-god.jpg

Real Americans Courtesy of https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn029bmeiYDVJh6axhosWoKoizpMWN0npkE-E-bphyphenhyphenHPTXy4j58D-2k62dNfzBVZvpq12gYCga5VTzutUVzBlszENWQS3E7_74DuRag-kirzfevM_P1n7ocSlQTMRigi-_3FhzpLmtARI/s1600/political-pictures-real-americans-scary.jpg