I am a bit of a sociology buff. It's one of those social sciences that I feel very connected to mostly because it's the study of society which is a construct made by us. People. So I read lots of sociology blogs and textbooks because I find the study of us rather fascinating. Recently I've decided to embark on another odyssey besides romance novels. I also would like to write self-help books for those members of society that would like to free themselves from the constraints of society which would benefit everyone overall. My self help series will be about women and some of the common perception traps we often find ourselves in. So here is a little sample of what I would like to confront. We'll call this segment the leading lady.
A couple of weeks ago I was watching this romantic comedy called Just Wright starring Queen Latifah and Common. Most days of the week you'll catch me watching some action or super hero movie. It's just what I prefer. There was nothing else on, and the part of the movie I chimed in on intrigued me because I've always felt like no one has ever dealt with this aspect of female socialization. The aspect I'm talking about is the 'professional athlete wife’. This movie confronted the common perception issues most people have with this designation of society. It is a one sided account so while it was not very flattering to the image of the professional athlete wife it did show some deeper thought and intelligence directed towards the professional athlete.
The character development for the movie was pretty standardized. If you picture in your mind what the wife of a professional athlete should look like she is usually of a certain weight, height, hair color or texture and sometimes a certain ethnicity. She is what Hollywood would refer to as 'The Leading Lady’. The leading lady is a concept that leads into certain beliefs about a woman and her worth in the world. Through her portrayal in the media the average person begins to believe that only certain types of women deserve to be treated well. A man should only fall in love with a specific type of woman. She should have certain types of friends, and participate in certain activities. She should always dress a certain way, and she should always be perceived as the height of feminine beauty. The Venus Di Milo if we are being specific. The movie has this fascinating scene during a game where the two female characters that will ultimately vie for the attention of the male lead are facing the wives of the athletes. It was this stark cookie cutter scene where there were rows of women who physically looked nearly identical.
The brilliance of this movie was that the actual leading lady was Queen Latifah who by all standards has never fit into the so called 'leading lady' role. At several times during the movie I myself questioned why she was cast as she was. The story itself was a paradox as I found myself thinking about how implausible it would be for a professional athlete to even consider a relationship with someone who didn’t fit the standard. This even slight wondering on my part was quite an epiphany for me because I usually don't prescribe to these pre-conceived notions. Then I had to acknowledge how invasive and brainwashing media can be. Even though I knew that this was not such an odd occurrence and should in fact be seen more and not less, something niggled at me saying that this woman wasn't the woman that belonged in this situation. She didn't have the right qualities to be loved by this type of man, and she shouldn’t be the focal point of this movie. This was all based on her physical appearance alone as the movie was full of women that did fit that very narrow ‘leading lady’ designation. But it was that setting that made the absurdity of it my thoughts so apparent.
What it made me realize is how victimized American culture is by the mandates prescribed by our media. Women hate themselves for not being what media tells them to be, and men actively support it. However this point is in all respects. While it seems that one end has it better than the other end, what is thought of an unconventionally attractive woman who endeavors to expound upon her beauty as opposed to a conventionally attractive one who attempts to hide it. This aspect of fitting in becomes a value system for self worth and societal standing. The rating system wants to know how well you fit in, and the system is set up to punish those who do not conform. Consider what happens to an Amish who falls into prideful ways. In many respects society seeks to do this to those who don’t conform, thus the many societal subcultures.
The irony of this was presented so very clearly in the movie as the standard ‘pro athlete woman’ was in fact a gold digger who didn't care about the man or the sport he played. She cared about the status symbol he would become in her life and the exalted status that she would enjoy as his wife. While this is an unfair assumption to place onto most of these women, how many of them have carefully cultivated that look so that this goal can be achieved? It was the believability of it that was the most startling as women do sometimes see each other as either a scheming gold digger or not. We limit what the other is capable of because of it. But in regards to the professional male athlete isn’t this type of wife a statement of the same value system? Even though the female lead actually had more in common with the male lead, when faced with a conversation with each of them he chooses the gold digger instinctively understanding that this was the proper woman to be with thus solidifying his place in the system. This is how he fits in and thus reaffirms his self worth.
The key to society working is the understanding of each other and the value inherit to certain aspects of humanity. The world is growing more caustic by the day towards ideas of true charity and service because of establishing ideas of glamour and excess. Instead of correlating societal value to service, dignity, compassion, empathy and care, value is given to avarice, vainglory, and idolatry. The system is in place, and it is not a faulty system. However the accepted qualities and designations of fitting in desperately need to be reworked.
