I told myself I wanted to write and post a blog on 12/12/12
at 12:12 AM. I didn’t know what to
talk about. Lately my mind has
been set to magic. Not just any
magic but that special magic that can happen between a man and a woman. Love is my thing so I stay the course.
Recently I had to make some very pertinent decisions in
regards to my own love life or lack there of. They say that in order to let something wonderful come into
your life you have to be willing to let something equal or more go. That’s what I did. I feel bereft, a little lost, somewhat
foolish. It’s a step in a
direction that I haven’t ever really taken. I’m finally committing to letting go of all that has
previously held me back and relying on the compassion of Fate to not leave me out
in the cold over it.
I believe we all have an innate fear of walking away from a
situation that isn’t really working. I think we get so used to things not
working that it becomes all we know.
It’s familiar and we don’t like change. So when something is just even slightly better than we’ve
ever known, we settle. And when we
settle we have to convince ourselves of our choice constantly. We are constantly trying to reinforce
the idea that this is what we really want and we should fight for it because it
can’t get better. That is a lie
and an illusion. Irony is the fact
that we never doubt that things can get worse, however we hardly ever believe things
can get better.
It’s hard because I’ve known such high moments of better
when it comes to love. My first
serious relationship break-up is one of the loveliest bittersweet moments of
my life. The breakup of my
marriage, my most devastating. My committed relationships have been few and far
between. There have been 2. Then
like everyone else the ones I wanted and could never have, the ones that got
away, the ones I squandered, and ones where commitment was never the goal. But
regardless of the status, the emotional intensity was of a caliber that I can’t
settle anymore.
The result is a woman that no matter her level of loneliness
or desire for a relationship, does not lie to herself about the feeling behind
a potential encounter. And I know
how lucky I’ve been that somehow the things I’ve known have lit a furnace
within me that doesn’t leave me to seek empty relationships and sexual
experiences to warm me. I know
what the real thing feels like, what it sounds like and how it moves. I won’t
cheapen that knowledge and the pains and joys I experienced to gain it by
accepting whatever happens to be there.
The past is useful because it builds discernment. The trick is managing
to not live in the past because it may not seem like it but the past takes up
so much space.
So on this magical day where numerologists are doing
handstands I will speak on the biggest miracle of all. Love, true blinding
lasting love that burns for an eternity without fail or end. There is a thing that defines actual
possession. It is a sense of belonging
to another not thru simple words, honor, or mentally judged dedication. It is a deep soul knowledge that cannot
be displaced by space or time. It is a fact, a law of nature. The only thing that prevents us from
all living in this space is our own denial of its existence.
So on this magical day recite this out loud so I may curse you
with love’s glorious fury and sublime subjugation.
I wish you the love you need, not the love you seek
I wish you the joy of divinity, not what people speak
I wish you the cradle of belonging, instead of striving to
fit in
I wish you the grace of nature’s magic, let your new life
begin
So go out and fall in love and if already are. . . Fall
HARDER. .
Always w/ love,
Sue
