If (1992-1998) #tbt

Dreams charcoal drawn in 1993

If this were my world, you wouldn’t understand
You wouldn’t know how to reach out and take my hand

If this were my earth to behold, rule and share
You wouldn’t know how to accept that I care

If your life became mine to live the way I see fit
Could you, would you be able to release it
If your heart became mine to choose who to love
Could you, would you, accept who I thought of
If your mind became mine to think your every thought
Could you, would you learn every lesson taught
If your soul became mine to give to who I choose
Could you, would you to me be able to lose

Everything in light and lift
Just behold and wonder if

Herself or Myself (1992-1998)

Misery painted 1998

I heard you cryin the other night and didn’t know what to do
I felt every tear every sigh, pouring through me and rip me in two
Once again the world has turned its back on you
Once again I stand paralyzed not knowing what to do

I saw you praying the other night and decided to do the same
I didn’t know what you were asking for so I asked for mercy in your name
Hoping God hasn’t become cruel and uncaring to your pain
Hoping He still feels for you and loves you just the same

I noticed the way you walk around now with your head down
I do it now like I’ve lost something special never to be found
Keeping it up high is too hard when you’re around
Keeping it up when all I want to do is let it hang down

I know he beat you once again the other night
I didn’t see him do it but the bruises tell the story on sight
Loving him isn’t going to make it all right
Loving him won’t make him stop hitting you at night

I swear someone was saying the meanest thing about you the other day
I stopped her immediately, told her there’s no base for what you say
Telling her didn’t do one good thing for you
Telling her wasn’t the main thing you needed me to do

I understand now why you and I get along so well
I never had anyone to come to my world and make it anything but hell
Knowing you let’s me see myself clearly
Knowing you helps me to appreciate the pain I hold so dearly

I believe I know how I can help give you back your world
I have a tale on how I got mine back that would make your toes curl
Walking through hell is the only way to salvation I know
Walking away from him is like leaving the last circle of Dante’s inferno

I promised myself that you’d never be hurt again, or was that for me
I can’t seem to separate between us and decide which of us should be free
Staying together on this is important for us
Staying together is the only way we can do what we must

I decided that it was past time that this whole affair came to an end
I want you tot know that the pain has to stop so your heart can mend
Leaving your pain isn’t the answer to your question
Leaving the source of your pain is the way to your hearts protection

I need you to comprehend that this pain you must keep
I tell you it is the reminder you’ll need so this mistake you won’t repeat
Holding the pain will keep you alive as everything else goes cold
Holding the pain will be the spark to make sure you always keep fire in your soul

I stand here now before you with hope in my eyes and both hands held out
I offer you now the method in which to rid yourself of horror and doubt
Standing before you is the life that doesn’t belong to anyone else
Standing beside you is where together we will journey to find ourself.

After Some Time (1992-1998)

Misery painted in 1998

Maybe in awhile we can talk to each other again

Maybe one day we can discuss where together we’ve been

Maybe in time we can work something out

Maybe soon you’ll stop looking at me with doubt


After some time maybe you can trust me once more

After some time maybe you will realize that I was never a whore


Maybe in the future you’ll look at me with trust

Maybe after a while you’ll know I was never ruled by lust

Maybe before it’s over I can bring the joy back to your world

Maybe before its too late you’ll realize I was the only girl


After some time maybe we won’t decide to be apart

After some time maybe you’ll start listening to your heart


I can only say maybe when I’m not sure what’s to come

I can only make a bet on chances that are second to none

I can only hope that you trust the feelings for me you find

I can only ask you for those things after some time