Tail End of Tomorrow

We arrive on the tail end of tomorrow
We stop to smell the roses, trying to drown our sorrow
The next day comes bringing hope and despair
Holding myths of forever, life without a care
O believe in the impossible, live by the inevitable
Tear away from the set and ignore status quo

Do you miss the boredom, miss the need
Do you crave the sickness, yearn to feed

The hate that rains on others yet passes some
The twist of the knife that is still to come
Depending on those that can’t depend on themselves or each other
Dropping life long friends because you’ve found a new lover

Density at mass is the best description
Failure at class, there is no redemption

Don’t pity me as you scoff because I’m not accepted
Instead feel my disgust in you, know I rejoice in being rejected
I can hear you laughing at me from your place in the vacuous void
I take it stone-faced and silent because I know it makes you paranoid
I’m not alone, regardless of what you may need to believe
Beside me stands a different sect awaiting the dawn of our eve

We arrive on the tail end of tomorrow
Waiting patiently for you to let go
The truth stands away from your lies
Every day it gets stronger as your view dies
O believe in the impossible, live by the inevitable
In the distance there is a reckoning that will destroy your fable

Pause

Whisper

Pause, it just takes a moment to realize where I am
Only a moment to understand and see through the scam
I wanted the best at first, I usually want the most convenient
But it has gone far beyond the thought of mercy and being lenient
Now I crave another layer, a deeper knowledge of relation
I yearn for that untouchable state beyond fear and elation
Not quite the unnatural high produced by a drug called ecstasy
But instead an emotional height created by the awe of human synergy

I know it exists, it dances around my form taunting me with it’s perfection
I know it exists, holding itself just out of my grasp reveling in my rejection

Pause, again I hold still and wait for the recognition
Still awaiting the moment when the fates will end my persecution
I only desire what others take for granted, I only want to have those precious instances
But I remain unmoved unswayed by the power that consumes all it influences
Now I thirst for the storm it brings as it swallows whole all that it embraces
I hunger for the brush of it’s wings as it flies to overtake the heart it chases
Not quite like lust that rushes in and ebbs to nothing like the morning tide
But instead the constant consonance that prevails when it should subside

I know it exists, it lives behind the eyes of a well loved child
I know it exists, holding the secret of creation, making chaos less wild

So Suddenly

Resurrection drawn in oil pastels 1995

It always happens so suddenly, takes my breath and humbles me
As I fall down to my knees, I can’t believe you’re here with me
I look around and take in despair, glad to know that you still care
Feeling sorry for those who don’t see, the love of you setting us free

So Suddenly I was put to the test
So foolishly I denied to myself what was best
My arrogance overwhelmed my thought
Silly of me to let myself be bought

Always happens so suddenly someone not wanting me to be free
Always happens in a glance, another person taking that chance

Always happens in a blink of an eye, someone’s truth another’s lie
Suddenly you realize, that you can’t live outside His eyes

So suddenly life didn’t make any sense
Words had no meaning vowels no consonance
I was you and you were me
Inside I was sad, alone and ugly

My mind spun out of control
Not even aware of my own soul

So suddenly a calm settled over my heart
No longer was my mind being pulled apart

Ask so I held on in my heart and believed
And the way is true cause I opened and received
So suddenly it happens so suddenly you know where you must go
You know where you belong, you know

Like and Unending Circle. . Linking Like a Chain

Waiting

Somewhere near the end of time
Someplace lost, perfect and divine
I called it's name and waited for an answer
It moved slowly closer like an erotic dancer
It taunted me from afar and held me enrapt
Promised to hold my heart, my soul entrapped
Just as it arrived, I turned to run
Just as it reached for me, I wanted none
It's power frightens me, It's glory blinding to see
More than me, yet not nearly as offensive
Infinite madness, yet slow and pensive
A moment's hesitation, a moment's pause
I feel myself being clamped firmly in it's jaws
Escape is impossible, regret useless
It's true intentions I can only guess
Yet, I want it's heaven, I crave it's hell
I hunger for the lives it's lived, the stories it can tell
Let me go, set me free
If I swallow you whole, I will cease to be
My destruction in your hands, my salvation in your trust
And whatever the outcome, I know the decision will be just
Should I cry for mercy, or obnoxiously demand more
Ask to be tossed like a rag doll or expect to be taken to it's core

My decision made, I close my eyes
Releasing all self-doubts, all others' lies
I trust you, Whole and true
I love you, I love you

Untitled

What I See

Before the end of my day, my thoughts slid to you
Before time has dragged down the sun and the moon is pulled onto centerstage
Before the stars start to shine in a dance of dark and light as they battle for the sky
Before the haze of the city’s nightlife and lights bring the illusion of day

My thoughts slid to you

They rest on your face where your light eyes see me as if they have never
They curl into your hair, dark as dusk, sifting through the strands of raven-colored
They pause at your lips, like a broken sigh recalling the feel of your breath in a
They drape across your throat and shoulders testing the strength and conviction
of such a strong throat of such a breadth of shoulders defying gravity in a way

My thoughts slid down the chest housing the heart that adores me, holding the
force that drives you, moving the tide that powers you, do you have any idea
They kneed the arms of solid integrity, the proof of determination and hard work
feasted so silk that flow along your face whisper that sounded of love but was indeed my name
that only Atlas himself is familiar with
what a treasure is buried here?
because you would have it no other way.

And then you enter

Bringing fact and fantasy together in a rush of surreal ecstasy, reminding me of
what you see when your eyes eat me alive, when your arms hold me as I writhe,
as your heart pushes closer to me in a vain attempt to meet it’s twin.
As you breathe love that is a whisper of my name, as your midnight silk kisses
my face and neck as your shoulders and throat beckon coyly then demand hotly
for my lips, my hands, my arms, my eyes, my nails, my teeth, my passion, my
And in a flash as gradual as sunrise, the moon is pulled to rest, the stars bow
joy, my pain, my pleasure, my will, my heart, my soul, my life.
before the next ruler abiding their time to glow and shine.

Dawn is pulled from the darkest pits of night and

My thoughts once again slid to you

When Did This Start?

Did you always look at me like that or have I not noticed
Yesterday you looked at my lips as if you felt they needed to be kissed
Did you always smile at me like I was the very reason for it
The other day you flashed it at me like the most entertaining thing in the world was my wit

Did my heart always speed up when I see you or did that just start happening
When it did it last night it felt just so natural like that’s the way it’s always been
Did my mind always drift to you at the most unexpected times or is that new
It struck me a second ago that I don’t seem to think of much else that doesn’t relate to you

Was it before or after we met my ideas on life became drastically different
Now I think the world is beautiful, life is rather nice, and all things are heaven sent
Was it before or after our first conversation that I noticed how underrated talking is
The more I hear your voice, the more of you I discover, the more I wonder when we’ll have our first kiss

Was it before or after I noticed how adorable you are that other men have seemed lacking
I know that it makes me not need their backing
Was it before or after I started to fantasize about us together that I forgot the promises I’d already made before
Just when I thought that every part of my life was determined and set I feel like now you’ve shown me another door
I’m starting to believe that all those changes in me are recent
And I think what I see in you isn’t imagination but a persuasive hint

I’m starting to accept my need to understand you
And I think that you can cope with what you’re starting to feel too
I don’t want to keep on trying to figure out how this started in the past
I just want to concentrate and put my mind to trying to make it last

So I’ll stop sitting around and trying to pinpoint the events by the exact days
I think now I want to set aside the befores and afters and take you by the hand and shoot for always

Blame it on The Moon

Ruins watercolor 1998

The timber of your voice should have been my first clue
The way you smiled at me and held me carefully close to you
Maybe the glint in your eyes should have told the story
Or the brush of your lips on my temple as you whispered “don’t worry”
Your scent filling my head with thoughts I can’t relate
The feel of you beneath my fingertips making it harder for me to wait
Are we victims of midnight, perhaps slaves of the full moon above
Can we cast the blame elsewhere or are we simply doing the unthinkable and falling in love

Perhaps it was in the way you touched me with your hands just like you were with your eyes
The way you took your time to show me beauty before finding your place between my thighs
Maybe it was in the seamless way your body fit mine or was it the other way around
We lay together so perfectly that if one calls I’m never sure who made the sound
Your lips finding that spot on the back of my neck that always sets me off
Your caress light yet strong making me feel like my skin is so soft
Too many love songs on the radio or weddings in June is what I though of
Could they really be our problem or are we simply doing the unimaginable and falling in love

Maybe it was the second glance you gave me as if you saw me in a new light
The look on your face should have given away the entire secret on sight
Your voice, you r touch, your lips all telling me what I refused to hear
Your eyes, your smile, your scent signaling that I have to face my worst fear
Something tells me that I’m not alone but you find that you are ensnared too
Then again maybe in the end it has absolutely nothing to d o with me or you
One minute were having fun the next wondering why we always part so soon
Whether love songs, midnight, or weddings in June, personally I prefer to blame it on the moon

Beyond

Dance (sketchbook) ebony pencil 1993

Beyond the pale of comparison
Beyond the light of hope and dark
Light of wind and break of day
Dawn of the moon, pale of the sun
Ray of light dash of hope
The eve of glory, before the light of time
Time of the moon, journey of the sun
Stars behold in jealousy, yet the sun shines on
Our small crater, our planet revolves
In this life I recall the face of joy
Joy of being, joy of light

Beyond the pale of comparison
Beyond the light of hope and dark
In the mist of the shadows at the break of day
In the essence of time your face stays plain
Light of the wind and break of day
Dawn of the moon, pale of the sun

In your eyes the joy of light
In your touch the joy of being
The eve of glory, before the light of time

Beyond the pale of comparison
In you, the light will always shine

All The Parts

Bears drawn with colored pencils and oil pastels 1993

There are so many parts of us that should be seen to and kept
From the top of our heads to the tips of our toes with each aching breathe
The broad side of us against the narrow core of us
The breadth of us to the very shallow of us

All another piece that comes together to make the whole
From the memories we keep now and lose as we grow old
To the muscle that powers our moves
To the tissue that DNA provides and proves

So I must choose a keeper for my many parts
Is it possible to find just one to update so many charts

So one I choose to care for my body
With you thirst will be seen to whether pure or bawdy

Another I'll entrust with my mind to keep it young and fresh
Each day should be full of knowledge clean with wash and dress

So that leaves my heart for you to insure that it always beat
Fill my life with love that can be felt from head to feet

So that leaves just my soul that I can't seem to fit to a tutor
Perhaps that one is just for me to look after and succor

If there was just one keeper how idea would that be
Just one person to see to all the ends that make up me
It's a dream I can't fulfill, one that has no true match
So I'll try to see to the whole with one by one patch

But the thought always lingers that if there is but only one of me
And with all my parts gathered close to cause me to be
There must exist the other end that looks out with such disheart
Knowing that there must be one who can see to all the parts

You Know Who You Are (1992-1998) #tbt

What I See (Formerly In the Distance) chalk pastels 1993

I think the first time I saw you was in the back of my mind
I think I created an image that I know I’d never find
You lived in my thoughts and constantly dominated my dreams
Held me completely enwrapped by the lights you beam

I think the first time I met you was in a space in my head
You know where everything is smoky and bathed in red
I think there I loved you without hesitation or thought
Somehow knowing that you were what I constantly sought

Then I believe I discovered myself in the world you created
It seems as soon as you came my mind was something you generated
Then I no longer possessed the control that always defined me
And yet at the same time I can’t ever remember feeling so free

I think I first found the meaning of life in your face
You know when I covered your hand with mine I knew my place
I think I saw the foundation of the universe in your eyes
The love and sacrifice of devotion that explains birth and why we die

I’m almost positive that I’ve never in life done anything so beautiful
No matter if you stay or if we part nothing can destroy a joining so wonderful
I think the minute your lips touched mine we silently trades souls
I know I’d wake up at night dead and cold needing you to be whole

Do you know what its like to love in your mind before you love in life
Do you know what it is to live as a woman when you’re already a wife
You know, you’ve always known
You know, yours before I was even grown
From the beginning you were what I wished for on the first star
All you have to do to look at me to see yourself, you know who you are

You Could Make Me Stay (1992-1998)

Legs (timed figure drawing) in charcoal 1994

With my heart in my throat
I turn and start to put on my coat
You grab the hand holding the coat from the top
And with those beautiful eyes quietly ask me to stop

How could I ever think of going away
When I know you could make me stay

Another chance at this life, this time
You ask for me to help you keep your mind
Me walking out of the door would drive you insane
And I felt that emotion that I can never name

The look in your eyes makes me tremble and sway
As I think oh yeah, you could make me stay

I can’t turn and leave with you needing me
Nothing could make me walk away from the love I see
Seeing my defeat you slowly take my hand
Thanking me with your eyes and leaving your brand
Finally smiling you look into my eyes and say
I always knew I could make you stay

Why Don't You Love Me (1992-1998)

The Door in charcoal drawn 1992

Just stop thinking about everything
Just feel the pleasure I can bring
Don’t hide yourself away from me
Stop fighting and meet your destiny

You want your life to fall together perfectly
I have a suggestion why don’t you love me

You want something that will last forever
Love me and I won’t stop loving you never
You need a world to escape to
Love me and I’ll hand it to you
You desire opened doors so you can see
Love me and I’ll give you every key
You think your world will be complete and everything you need
I’m afraid that will never happen till you love me

You want nothing to do with a life not in perfect harmony
Well here’s another clue why don’t you love me

Everything you want at your fingertips
Just let the right words pass from your lips
You can’t walk away from things meant to be
So why don’t you just love me

Sick and Tired of That Word 'Hoe' (1992-1998)

I’m sick and tired of that word hoe
Tossed out every time a woman says no
Hate the word bitch being thrown around
Another way to berate me and cut me down
All the phrases that you like to say
When you blame anybody but you for your lack of play
Walking around like you’re the man
Punk you wouldn’t know what to do with a real woman
I’d like to see your face when you realize its you
When you see no one finds it attractive those things you do
I’d like to be standing there when you get told
Let know that you have nothing anyone wants to hold
Because I was there when you needed a friend
I was the only one who cared in the end
You took that for granted and considered me a trick
Just another hoe you would let ride your dick
But I wasn’t down and I told you so
Now I get dogged cause I dared to say no
I could never feel anything real with you
I don’t respect who you are or the things you do
You’re a fool who doesn’t know gold when he sees it
So I know that a treasure like me you will never get

I am a queen of African descent, strong and proud
With my head held high, who stands out in a crowd
I am the mother of strength in the time of the slave
A presence unquestioned as you put each other in graves
I am the earth and sea in all its full power and glory
I am the beginning, the middle, and the end of the story
I am what you need when you don’t understand
I am the only thing that makes you a real man
In me is the symbol of sacrifice and the foundation of love
The very finest gift God could have sent you from above

The question is What are you?
The question is Do you even know who?

Can you return everything I can give
Will you ever be able to with the way you live
Or will you just keep putting us down
Hurting yourself as you run us through the ground
Giving yourself an ego boost while you rip away your soul
Still calling us tricks and bitches cause that’s the way you roll
Living life with nothing and no one, without anything to show
With no feeling of how two perfect halves come together and flow
Alone and looking for a piece of ass so another girl can say no
Just so I can keep saying of tired I am of that word ‘hoe’.

What is There Now? (1992-1998)

Enchantress ebony and colored pencil 1993

Picking up pieces and moving on
Separation from everything in my life wrong
I want to part with all the pain
Leave the hurt and be free and sane
What now is left for me but you
When all else was never true
They don’t know me, not like you
They’ll never understand the things I do
What is there when there is no one else
What when all I trust is you and myself
Where is the light at the end of the tunnel
I only met the pain the place where I fell
What is there now I ask you again
How do you separate from everywhere you’ve been
I’m blind to all that is beautiful now
They’ve taken my heart without a hesitation or bow
Now they strain to take my soul
The possession you protect for me and hold
What now, where is the peace
Where is my salvation, where the hurt will cease
I reach for you and you’re not there
Keeping me whole when I know I’ve had more than I can bear
Do you feel me call for you, somehow hear that I need you
Maybe I crave you because you need me
In some divine way neither of us can see
Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself
Or maybe its deeper perhaps something else
Do you need me, is that what there is
Do you fear that I’ll be seen with another and labeled his
I have asked what is there, what’s next
Where is the next stop for me that is best
Every question, a single answer shouted as a vow
Its you, that’s what is there now

The Last Time (1992-1998)

Clash colored pencil drawn 1993

The last time I felt a warm rain I thought of your touch

The light sweet feel of it’s caress telling me why I miss you so much

The last time I saw the sky steak with the first rays of the sun I remembered your smile

The natural beauty of it slightly indescribable someplace beyond grace and style

The last time I heard thunder rock the sky I heard your voice

The majesty of it always stopped my thoughts and taken away my sense of choice

The last time I watched the ripples of a lake I remembered that you weren’t rally mine

I can watch you move without anyway of changing your course and pretend that it’s just fine

The last time I saw a bird take flight I felt that fragile emotion that holds me to you

I understood that as solid and on the ground as it is, it could one day fly away too

The last time I watched a candle burn I realized that I never wanted this to end

But I couldn’t deny that we could be gone, easily whiffed out in the next strong wind

The last time you kissed me, I felt the sadness in your heart

I remember well because it was the first time your kiss had ever been tart

The last time we made love I saw the hesitance in your eyes

Something about how you looked at me made me want to set you free and cut all ties

The last time you laughed with me is such a distant memory it can’t be recalled

I know when it came to mind how unhappy you were my skin crawled

Amazing how it’s all so vivid now, after everything I can catch every sign

Funny how now it actually makes sense that you said goodbye when I saw you that last time

The Calm at the Center of the Storm (1992-1998)

Dragons watercolor painted 1998

Think about what’s between us and know what it means
Think about every thought of us and every dream
Think about this peace we share every time we are close to each other
Think about how you’ll never find that with another

The calm at the center of the storm is what we are
The serenity and beauty of what we have we can never mar

Think about me as being a part of you
Think about me and plan your decisions for two
Think about yourself and what you could miss
Think about the moment we touch and the world dissolves to bliss

The calm at the center of the storm is what we are
The peace that can’t even be wished for on a falling star

You’ve thought about our rocky beginning and contemplate an end
But you forget something can’t stop unless its weak enough to bend
Every law of love and friendship we were able to defy
Every one who said that this wasn’t real and would eventually die
But they disappear as soon as one or the other enters
Because in every storm there is calm at the center

Take Me Home (1992-1998)

Whisper colored pencil 1998

Where my heart and soul reside
Where my emotions don’t have to run and hide
That peaceful place in your arms
That haven where I feel no harm
That place where I am just me
No one to put me down or berate me
No one to tell me what I can or can’t be
You know where I’m beautiful no matter what I do
You know because its true because of you
At night where I fear no evil
In the evening when no one makes me kneel
In the afternoon where I laugh and mean it
In the morning where there’s love every where I sit
At dawn when you become my light of day
Always when you make me fell special in every way
I want to stop pretending and feel again
I want to shout my pain and know its not a sin

Just home, take me there
Where my heart doesn’t rip and tear
Hold me there to forever stay
Be my joy be my sunny day
Take me home if there’s mercy in you
Let me breathe, live, and to myself be true
No pain, no sorrow, no endless despair
Just laughter, and love with people who care
Take me away from those people who hate
Those people who insist that I can always wait
Make me your life and I make you mine
Stroke my hair and hold me close and tell me everything will be fine

Never again to wake up cold and alone
Because I opened my heart and brought me home

Say Grace (1992-1998) #tbt

What I See chalk pastels drawn 1994

I heard you call to me while the night made it’s leave
I felt your approach as the sun and the sky did cleave

When were you going to say goodbye, were you ever?
How was I to learn of this without second sight I’m not nearly that clever
You’ve always brought to mind images of woven tapestries and regal stances
Filled me with scents of warm rain, nights of jasmine and erotic instances
Held me spellbound by days of soft whispers and lakeside dances
Taught me the way of love with secret meetings and forbidden chances
You bring to mind oceans of lavender, seas of marigolds
Filled me with tales of wisdom, visions of chivalry, legends untold
Held me in the cusp of velvet with satin and lace to fight the cold
Taught me the essence of being a woman when you dared me to be bold

I heard you call to me, and I’ve always known you’d leave
I felt your approach say your heart I will never deceive

When will it really be goodbye, can there ever be a time and place?
How could I ever believe goodbye is possible when with you I have found my grace

Rain and Pain (1992-1998)

Misery

Rain and pain its all the same
Let yourself know the name of this game
Rain and pain its all the same
Falling in vain leaving from where it came

Times of misery falling quickly
Hope and happiness like a drought that won’t pass
Never knowing which came first or last
Lifting your voice and begging for solace
Hoping God will pick you to bless
Stop the rain and the pain
I call your name, my hurt you drain
Out of me it pours like from the sky
Every drop coincides with every tear I cry

Rain and pain its all the same
There is no blame for another storm I claim
Rain and Pain its all the same
At times it will wane but never change

You can see my tears falling in the rain
Hear my heart breaking in the pain
Feel the storm moving outside
Feeling everything inside leaving as it died

Pray Through the Night (1992-1998)

Misery watercolor 1998

Lay me down to sleep on this night
Pray my soul to keep till the morning light
I need you by my side can’t let you go
Hold me in your arms till you know

Pray through the night that you’ll stay with me
To the Lord up high that you never leave
Pray through the night that I have your love
To the Lord up high that’s blessed from above

Heaven forbid you falling out of love with me
Lord keep your heart from setting me free
Let the bonds of love never sever
So we can hold each other and be in love forever

Pray through the night for the dreams we share
To the Lord up high for the love we bare
Pray through the night for our times apart
To the Lord up high for the gift of your heart

Calling your name, loud and in vain
Hoping you know from where the cry came
Seeing the faith and hope light in your eyes like a flame
Pushing away the all consuming sorrow and crippling pain

As I say a little prayer for the Lord up high
Let me see your face once more before I die
Please keep me on this earth long enough to know
That if I die you are sure to soon follow

I fall to my knees in a silent plea
Praying that you’ll always stay with me
Clinging to hope like dark does to light
As usual I kneel and pry through the night